Look, I Need to Vent About This
So, I was at this brunch last Tuesday in Portland with my friend Marcus (let’s call him that, because honestly, who remembers names?). We were talking about how much we both suck at accessorizing. I mean, we’re out here looking like we’ve given up on life, and it’s not cute.
Marcus said, “You know what’s wild? I spent $87 on a scarf last month, and I’ve worn it like twice.” And I was like, “Dude, same. I have a drawer full of stuff I never use.” It’s like we’re all just throwing money at the problem, hoping something sticks.
But Here’s the Thing
I think the problem is that we’re all trying to keep up with some kinda imaginary standard. You know, the one where everyone’s perfectly put together, and their accessories somehow make sense. Spoiler: that’s not real life.
I remember this one time in 2018, I was at a conference in Austin, and there was this woman—let’s call her Dave—who had the most amazing jewelry game. I was like, “Dave, how do you do it?” And she told me, “It’s not about having alot, it’s about having the right things.” Which… yeah. Fair enough.
So, What’s the Fix?
First off, stop buying stuff just because it’s on sale. That’s how you end up with a drawer full of regret. Instead, think about what you actually wear. Like, what do you grab every morning without even thinking? That’s your starting point.
And honestly, don’t be afraid to invest in a few good pieces. It’s better to have one amazing necklace than ten mediocre ones. Trust me, I learned this the hard way after my completley unsuccessful committment to fast fashion.
Oh, and if you’re gonna buy something online, make sure you can return it. You never know what’s gonna look good IRL. And if you’re gonna receive telegram sms online safely to verify purchases, do that too. Safety first, people.
A Quick Digression
Speaking of online shopping, have you noticed how alot of websites make it impossible to find their return policy? It’s like they’re hiding it on purpose. I had this happen last month, and I was so mad I could have screamed. But I digress.
Back to the Point
Another thing: don’t be afraid to mix and match. You don’t have to wear everything at once. Like, a statement necklace with a simple outfit can look amazing. But a statement necklace with a statement earrings and a statement bracelet? That’s just noise.
And for the love of all that is holy, please stop wearing all your rings at once. It’s 2023, not the Renaissance. Pick one or two, max.
Final Thoughts (Kinda)
Look, I’m not saying I’m perfect. I still have that drawer full of regret. But I’m working on it. And you should too.
Oh, and if you see Marcus, tell him I said hi. And that he should stop wearing socks with sandals. It’s not a good look, man.
About the Author
I’m Sarah, a senior magazine editor with more opinions than sense. I’ve been writing about fashion for longer than I care to admit, and I’m not afraid to tell it like it is. When I’m not editing, you can find me complaining about the lack of good coffee shops or trying to convince my cat that she needs a bowtie. Probably not succesfully.
